SCIENTISTS AIM GOD DESTROYING MISSLES AT THE SKIES

From the Web Wide News Agency

Several Atheist scientists from Europe have announced that they have discovered a bomb that will destroy all spiritual matter within our Milky Way Galaxy. Demons, Angels and God himself are in total danger of being completely obliterated should they come in range of any one of these devices.

"We have discovered a Dimensional Bomb that (in theory) will completely destroy the spirit realm with one mighty explosion," states Dr. Benjamin Mark, who heads the research team at a secret location somewhere in Northern Europe.

"The bomb will instantly destroy anything made up of spiritual essence without harming human or animal life on our planet," notes Dr. Mark.

The discovery of the DIMENSIONAL BOMB (otherwise known as IDD, Interstellar Dimensional Device) was made over 50 years ago by a scientist working on a top-secret project. "I remember the first time we set one of these things off." relates John Scatters who helped develop the bomb, "We set it off in a town just a few miles from our labs. Immediately we noticed that people had quit going to church, Ministers, Priests, Rabbis, everybody. They just quit attending services."

Project officials interviewed several former churchgoers and all said the same thing, they just lost their faith. In a flash!

It is only now that the means of delivering and detonating the dimensional device on a massive scale has been secured.

"We can't go into detail right now," states Prof. Julian Brown, "but the way this thing works is incredible to say the least. For instance, if we were to detonate a nuclear bomb everything in our dimension would be destroyed, the realm of ghosts and spirits however would not be affected by such an event; they live and exist outside our dimension.

HOWEVER, when one of these IDDs goes off it completely washes (destroys) everything that exists in the spirit realm, it literally melts every spiritual entity in the dimension and then seals it so that no spiritual beings can ever traverse through it again. The fuel that causes this terrific explosion is very easy to manufacture, when we detonated the first experimental bomb last year it washed an area of 200 miles with fuel no bigger than the size of a grain of rice. The missiles we have in place right now have 5,000 pound payloads apiece, enough to wash out our entire galaxy. This is the most powerful bomb in the entire universe, the detonation will completely obliterate every spiritual creature in existence, yet not be felt by anyone or anything living in the dimension we call home. Just like a spirit could sit at the center of one of our nuclear bombs without so much as a scratch, we can sit right at ground zero of an IDD explosion and not even feel a trickle of wind in our hair. The only noticeable effect that we would observe would be a very faint shimmering of light, that's it."

As Prof. Brown sorted through some papers on his desk Dr. Mark chimes in. "Now people will know WHY Jesus hasn't returned yet, he's scared to death that if he shows his face anywhere near our galaxy he'll get his holy ass blown into non-existence. At this very moment a half dozen IDDs are pointed skyward, just waiting for God and his Angels to stick their heads out of the clouds."

There has been speculation among other scientists who know of these experiments but who have not been directly involved in them that somehow the scientists was able to communicate directly with Satan himself. "The information that Satan could give the researchers would be invaluable," remarked Professor Cory Strong, "After all who would know more about God and what makes him vulnerable than Satan himself?"

Other scientists from around the globe have known about the research but have never commented on it for fear of what the religious community might do. "Hey, we're talking about destroying God himself," notes Fred Malmstein a noted scientists from Norway, "Getting rid of this lunatic has been a secret priority for years." Several of the Projects scientists are upset that word of the Dimensional bomb has leaked out. "It's too bad the lid came off," said a researcher who wants to be called zero, "I guess if this had to be exposed, now is the best time for it. The bombs are in place and ready for the big arrival."

One of the more interesting questions is why Satan would want to aid scientists in developing a weapon that would destroy him as well. "I think Satan understands that this two faced bastard of a God has been setting him up for ages," shot back Linda Steel who works security for Lab Systems. "My guess is he is willing to forfeit his own life to get rid of this terrible evil that has been misleading and threatening all humanity for centuries, ironic as it may seem this will make Satan a real hero to every living thing in existence."

Some observers think that once God is destroyed all those coming under his spell will finally be free of fear and begin to experience what its like to be human again.

Although the God Defense System (GDS) has been a Top Secret Government Program Scientists and military officials decided that it was in the best interests of Non Believing people (Atheists) to understand that this is no joke and to be on the lookout for religious terrorists who may try to undermine the efforts of the GDS program. "We urge all atheists to report any suspicious Christian activity," warns Dr. Mark, "We can't risk a letdown in our defense systems and give God a chance to strike first!" For Atheists this is of critical importance, their way of living and thinking will be dramatically affected by the outcome of the God destroying program. "Right now Atheists don't really exist," states Dr. Mark, "because we now know without a doubt that God is real, but when we nail him with one of these damn IDDs his ass will be grass and all Atheists will be able to breath a little easier."

The Air Force has employed psychics from around the globe to monitor any unusual spiritual activity in outer space. Notes Dr. Mark, "We have very sophisticated radar in place but it is in a purely experimental phase right now so we have no choice but to use these gifted psychic people to monitor the skies."

A cigar chomping high ranking military officer was pacing the floor during our interview with Dr. Mark and commenting over and over again about how he couldn't wait to nail "that bastard" up in the sky. It was a sure sign that these unique soldiers have one very itchy trigger finger.

Before leaving we approached a politician, who wishes to have his identity withheld, and asked him if he anticipated a God sighting anytime soon. "No, not really, we have reason to believe that this so-called God is a coward now that he knows we have the power to destroy him, I don't think we'll be seeing him anytime soon."

"What about Satan?" we asked, "How does he fit into all this?"

"My guess is he is here somewhere on Earth hoping that God or Jesus stays the hell away from here," responded the Congressman, "Remember, if God gets destroyed so will Satan, this bomb doesn't make any distinctions between good or bad spirits, it blows them all to smithereens!"

So far there hasn't been a whole lot of response from the church community at large. When Rev. Jeff Blair from St. Peter Church in New Mexico was told about the GDS program he expressed grave concern for God and his Angels. "This is terrible", cried Rev. Blair, "Why are they picking on God, I will be praying that our Lord stays clear and out of harms way." With that Rev. Blair motioned for us to shut down our cameras and headed for his church with what ought to be one very interesting sermon.

We will keep you up to minute as soon as more news comes in.

Bob Brown

*****NEWS FLASH*****UPDATE
MISSILES AIMED AT GOD

From the Web Wide News Agency

Scientists have learned that God is a phony and just happens to be rouge spirit wrecking havoc in the Milky Way Galaxy. Numerous Angels and Demons are working hand and hand with concerned humans to put a stop to the universal crimes being committed by this monster.

Here is an exert from a one on one interview with Satan himself;

"He has been setting me up, making me look bad in everyone's eyes," cried a tearful Satan, "He is the one killing and torturing people on this imprisoned planet not I. He is the one who lied to those two young beautiful people in the Garden of Eden not I. It wasn't me who killed everybody in that flood. It wasn't me who set up his son to be tortured and then murdered. I'm not the one who created hell or evil for that matter. God is committing all these crimes and then setting me up as the scrape goat. He is one sadistic motherf*cker. Look what he did to Job. I regret the part I played in that little scheme but whose idea was that anyway? Look at all the disasters that occur here on Earth, they're not called acts of Satan they're called ACTS OF GOD! BUT I always get the blame and GOD gets all the praise.

I feel sorry for you humans. I only want to see you have a little fun while you are alive and able to enjoy life. God wants you to be on your knees, not just for the rest of your life but in that prison he likes to call heaven as well. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN WHERE YOU WILL BE KISSING ASS FOR ETERNITY? Right at the moment death will be a blessing, it will be the only way for humans to get away from this sick twisted perverted god. A god that slaughters babies, a god that loves to hack pregnant women to death, a god who murders his own son and then tries to justify it. Hell, what was that flood all about anyway? Wasn't that done to cover up his first failed attempt? WHAT HAPPENED? I'll tell you what happened, he screwed it all up again! Now he is talking about destroying the world a second time!

Wasn't it bad enough that he punished humanity with death, disease and pain over that stupid apple incident and then followed that up by drowning every living thing on earth? This guy is sick!!

Someone has got to stop this spiritual maniac, that's why I'm working with Earth scientists.

I have given your scientists information about this cowardly god, information that will end his bullying once and for all! You humans have been intimidated by this Con Artist long enough.

If intelligence is what makes God a god then maybe you humans should start worshiping yourselves instead. THINK ABOUT IT!!

With that Satan politely excused himself and went back to work. Several Angels who sat in on the interview told reporters that God is NOT the supreme god he claims to be. Rather he is a rouge spirit who is being pursued by outside forces much more powerful than himself.

"He was expelled from frxmutasisforremium 55dd7dd8, a place far, far away from your tiny universe. The higher-ups label him a criminal in his homeland. He decided to, as you humans like to say, get the hell out of Dodge. He has been a very angry person ever since, that's why he is causing so much pain on your planet. We must stop him NOW!"

Scientists continue to work with Satan and concerned Angels around the clock.

"We've got him pissing his robe now," shouted an elated engineer during the private press conference.

We will continue to keep you updated on this important story.

Bob Brown

SCIENCTIST NOW HAVE PROOF
GOD IS DEAD!

From the Web Wide News Agency

God is dead and we now have proof!

Scientists from around the world have been studying the possibility that God at one time really did exist but somehow, somewhere along the road died and as a result, wreaked havoc in the universe.

Now they have PROOF that he was at one time alive but has since died!

Studying ancient manuscripts that are thousands of years older then the bible scientists have learned of a world free from death and destruction, a world that was governed by a supernatural agent that protected and cared for all life on our planet. The ancient writings were remarkably clear and concise regarding life in the days of what can only be described as a Garden of Eden.

"We were shocked", stated Dr. Phillip Wiseman. "Not only did we find a written testimony of events during this period but we also found physical evidence of a remarkable time in our Earth's history.

Researchers are being careful about how much of what they discover is to be revealed.

"There will be several books written on this subject", commented Dr. Katherine Macs, "The money that we make will go into a fund to help further our research, there is so much more for us to learn."

No one is saying where or when this discovery was found. One scientist cautions that work is being done in a country where the knowledge of what they are uncovering, if it were to be revealed, would jeopardize the work they are doing. "We can't afford to let that happen", said an unnamed source, "This work is of critical importance to all of humanity".

Take into consideration:

BACK IN THE DAYS when God was alive lightening would never strike any living thing nor would it destroy the homes of animals or humans.

NOW THAT GOD IS DEAD lightening frequently kills people while destroying homes and trees.

BACK IN THE DAYS when God was alive avalanches would come crashing down the mountainside and harmlessly jump over people and buildings landing harmlessly on the outskirts of towns and villages.

NOW THAT GOD IS DEAD the terrible rage of the falling rock and snow buries people, sometimes suffocating or freezing them to death. Trees and homes are completely destroyed; entire families are ripped apart.

BACK IN THE DAYS when God was alive hurricanes would avoid landfall, harmlessly jumping over boats and ships in the ocean never coming ashore or destroying anything.

NOW THAT GOD IS DEAD hurricanes kill hundreds of people often making landfall and destroying property in the millions of dollars.

BACK IN THE DAYS when God was alive disease would gather in their own areas to live happily surviving on the nutrition that God made special for them to survive.

NOW THAT GOD IS DEAD disease feeds off both man and animals. Now that there is no longer a higher power to control them people and animals are catching terrible diseases and living in agony, often dying horrific deaths.

BACK IN THE DAYS WHEN GOD WAS ALIVE the stars and planets swirled around the universe in perfect harmony. There were no collisions or major impact events to cause concern to any living thing. The Universe was a peaceful, nonviolent, predictable place where there was nothing to worry about anywhere!

NOW THAT GOD IS DEAD entire Galaxies are being obliterated. Stars are exploding, imploding. Black Holes are gobbling up entire planets destroying everything in its path. Meteors are crashing into other bodies of land causing widespread damage everywhere.

The list goes on and on. The proof of God's death is overwhelming. There is no longer an intelligent agent guiding the forces of nature. Nature has gone wild and is indiscriminately killing and destroying everything in its path.

We must face up to this terrible news and gather ourselves together. GOD IS DEAD and if we don't take steps to compensate for his loss we will die too!

Bob Brown